(no subject)

[beachlass]

Stolen ronsard

Basically, comment in this post and I will:

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

Comments

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

Why? I'd read your stories - on ff-net and Spiral, and was very impressed with your writing, especially Raidou.

Association? Food - you write with such delight about cooking and eating.

Like? Your writing - I love the detail and humour and compassion you bring to it.

Memory? status updates on Facebook

Question: Do you feel a duty to date?

Pic? Captain Tight Pants... Oh, Mal.

[kilerkki.livejournal.com]

"duty to date" -- that's an interesting way of phrasing it. I've been thinking about this for a while since you asked, and finally I guess I have to say yes. For one thing, I did accept a challenge from my stake president (a local church leader) to accept a date from any worthy young priesthood holder. XD

I've also just been reading an talk given by Dallin H. Oaks, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (one of the foremost leadership bodies in my church). The talk, The Dedication of a Lifetime (http://www.lds.org/library/display/0,4945,538-1-3100-1,00.html), was given at a fireside for young single adults in May 2005. In the last half, he discussed dating versus hanging out, and strongly counseled that young single adults prepare for courtship and marriage. Among other things, he said:

"Simple and more frequent dates allow both men and women to “shop around” in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship. None of that happens in hanging out."

He also gave some specific counsel to young women:

Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is okay, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

If you do this, you should also hang out a sign, “Will open for individual dates,” or something like that. And, young women, please make it easier for these shy males to ask for a simple, inexpensive date. Part of making it easier is to avoid implying that a date is something very serious. If we are to persuade young men to ask for dates more frequently, we must establish a mutual expectation that to go on a date is not to imply a continuing commitment. Finally, young women, if you turn down a date, be kind. Otherwise you may crush a nervous and shy questioner and destroy him as a potential dater, and that could hurt some other sister.

I'm sorry for dumping all this stuff in your lj, but you asked! So, in short--yes, dating is important, inasmuch as it leads into courtship and marriage. However, a date isn't a commitment of anything more than a few hours of attention and companionship. The primary purpose of a date is to "shop around"--because how can you commit to a lifelong and eternal partnership if you don't know what's out there, or if you haven't tried for it in the first place?

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the thoughtful answer. I appreciate the reflection on the differences between 'hanging out' and dates.