beachlass | the ex wife's guide to family holidays, thanksgiving edition

When inviting yourself to you ex wife's house for thanksgiving, playing on her sympathies for giving the kids both parents in one place,do remember to offe rto bring something Waiting until after thoroughly ridiculing her store bought gluten free pumpkin pie before commenting that you could have brought one is a little late.
Don'tbring your laundry with you. I can't believe it needd to be said, butno. Just no.
Bring something for supper. The bottle if wine that will send her to the hospital if she drinks it doesn't counrt. Food allergies, I know you remember them.
Do the dishes. Especially if I've led three worshipnswrvices, come home, cooked supper and hosted. Your mother once criticized my table setting for not including butter knives, I know you were raised with some manners.
If you are gauche enough to bring your own laundry, don't dump the hoisehold laundry in a heap in the living room, and proceed to berate the kids repeatedly for not folding it. And while marveling at how nice it is not to have to go to the laundramat in your building, saving you money, how about offering to help with something in return? Yes, the gutters do need cleaning.
Accusing your wife and daughter of cackling like witches over a game of cards is not called for, even if we were being dicks by high fiving over the last hand. We took that last trick by leading an offsuit nine, and its not funny to opine that you woukd have burned us at the stake if it were 200 years earlier.